Jan 31, 2012

Me...Myself and I.......Oh my!

Well,I took pictures of my bedroom in its disarray and intended on posting them today to give you an idea of the reality from yesterdays post . But,alas my heart was not brave enough.....I thought for sure and for certain you would have a whole other impression of me if I were to reveal the truth. But,I will keep them as to maybe share a before and after set of photos for a future posting. Sometimes the truth is ugly. Oh,by now you must be thinking she is truly a very bad housekeeper.....I guess that would just be your opinion(or not,) if I were to post those pictures. You see I am my worst enemy at times...I tend to think less of myself than others truly see me. I am trying my best to overcome such feelings while trying also to realize at the same time that everyone will always have their own opinion of this or that and usually their opinions have nothing to do with me and everything to do with that individual. How we see things is sometimes so totally different as to how someone else may see the the same thing. It is all in the eye of the beholder,as it is said. Have you ever had a visitor stop by unexpected and right off the bat you begin apologizing for the mess your house is in? Only to have them look around and comment how wonderful everything looks......I do this all the time. I often honestly live in fear that maybe someone will drop by and find me still lingering in night clothes,dishes left in the dish to wash or God forbid I be laid up in bed in the middle of the day. This would be an occasion for me to think bad of myself for several days or weeks. Remember I am being honest here.......I have said over and over to you all that I am so content as to how God has blessed me but,if that is the truth than why do I feel so uncomfortable when someone comes to my home for the very first time and sees the ugly exterior of my old mobile home....the chippy paint,the uneven steps or the worn carpet and linoleum inside on the floor. Yet,when I lay down at night I can truly say....I AM CONTENT! So those feelings are not that I am not content with my blessings but,it is that ever feeling of dread of what others think. That my friend is what I need help from the Lord with. I do linger through the day at times in my night clothes......Very often I lay down and nap in the day time. Some days I clean house and some days I don't. I don't always feel good,most days I am in pain...I don't have children at home. They are all grown now,I don't have a husband to wait on are cook for etc.......so what if I choose to clean are not clean on a given day. Is that OK? Am I asking your opinion,yes! Do I care about your opinion,yes! The real question is...Should I? Any thoughts?
I feel just a bit braver after sharing this post so,I will reveal just a bit of my mess.

So what do you think of my messy book shelf?
OK ..just a bit more brave.
Am I always happy with myself? No,not always! Should I be? Do you think that is OK?


Marydon said...

That is your 'mess'!? Oh, honey, you have nothing to worry about. Come see MY area ...

Have a beautiful day ~

Denise said...

Shelley,Your sweet spirit shines through no matter what.I would love to drop by and visit you.Nothing wrong with walking around our own homes COMFORTABLE.

Anonymous said...

Always, everyone's house is a mess, sometimes! If our homes were neat all the time, we would not be living in them! I sit here, waiting for the inspiration to make my beds, and it is lunchtime. Whatever social-economic status anyone has, they will always be tempted to have more.

When I had little kids/babies...I had to sit and nurse and helplessly look at the mess around me, that I didn't have time to tend to. A lesson in self-abandonment.

Your suffering is redemptive suffering, which you can offer up to share with Christ. Your "mansion" in heaven will be great indeed! love,andrea

DollZandThingZ said...

Gee, Shelley, you are awfully hard on yourself. You have the right and privilege to be comfortable in your own space...and you are. As for what other people think, I wouldn't care a fig! As others have wisely said, we all have times when we are messy and we all just want to be comfortable. Don't worry so much...just be cozy!

Jane said...

I think what you have written here, every woman has felt if they are being honest. At this very moment my dining room table is loaded up with books, knitting and just things that should be put away. I'm always skeptical of those blogs where everything seem too perfect. Real women have messes. Real women have doubts!

Anonymous said...

We are so hard on ourselves. My Daddy thought I should be perfect, and I have tried all my life to live up to that.

If we could have reached perfection on our own, Jesus wouldn't have had to die for us. I'm so thankful that He looked at us in our imperfection and chose to do just that.

I am making the choice to not be so hard on myself anymore. I want to spend more time with Jesus and not so much trying to make my home perfect. I was off work at home yesterday and stayed in my pajamas all day!

Jesus loves us just as we are. You are one of the most beautiful people, inside and out. You are a blessing to me.

Daphne in NC

Quaker Cottage said...

Shelley, Your photos show a sweet, comfortable nest that you live in and enjoy. What could ever be wrong with that?! Keep doing what you enjoy doing, and don't worry about what others think - but I know that's hard to do sometimes.
Blessings to you friend,

Heidi said...

Shelley I could copy this post and paste it right onto my blog and pass it off f mown post. We are so much alike! Mybroom looks th same as yours pretty much and I honestly love it. We cannot be perfect clean, I used to b a tota clean freak. Well my houses like yours, carpet is stained, I lay around in my night night clothes some days. I try to clean everyday because I have 3 teenagers that are pigs lol. I have clutter here and there, sometimes even when I clean I stand back an look and it still looks cluttred with all of the things I have in my home. Sigh, I know exactly how you feel. I think this is part of the reason why you haven't been told to come over yet is because I can't get my home perfect. I don't want to disappoint you. My things are pretty but the house I pretty shabby but like you
am grateful!

Olivia said...

Shelly I did not think your pictures showed a mess. If someone comes to my house with no notice I make no excuses for the way it looks.
And as far as getting dressed that is my choice also. One day a neighbor came to the door at 2pm to give me some fruit. There I stood in my pink flannel pjs. She asked if I was sick. I said no just haven't got dressed for the day. I thanked her for the fruit and did not feel bad that I was not dressed by 2 o'clock in the afternoon.
Please try to not be so hard on yourself.

Laurel Leaf Cottage said...

Hi Shelley, I can totally relate to how you feel..I am constantly worrying about what other people think of me...I always try to have at least the front half of my house picked up in case someone pops over, although, truth be told, I usually just don't answer the door if they do...I was raised to believe it's rude to just show up, anyway, I know it has kept me from forming friendships with my neighbors because there is the possibility they might just show up..weird, I know. I am always in my slippers at home and raggedy sweats that don't match during the day with my hair in a clip! Yesterday when I left to pick up my son from school at 1:30, I drove by this frantic looking woman outside (chasing down her mischievous dog) wearing her pjs, and she looked horrified, but of course she had to get her dog back in! I thought good for her!! There is no shame in that at all..we are all people, and not everyone keeps the same schedule, and if someone can't accept that, then it is clearly their problem!! Plus, it's murphy's law that no one will show up when you are sitting around in a spotless house, only when it is a mess!! xx ~Deanna

Mitzi said...

I think you do a wonderful job of living a life that matters to you. Who cares what other people think. It took me many many years to realize that I don't have to do things that I think others expect of me. I live my life my way. Simple and satisfying to me. I feel guilty when I don't do a lot around the house every day. But no one notices it but me. It is just my husband and me and we are happy-that's what matters. So if you want to take a day off or take a nap-do it! Life is too short-enjoy every day your way.

Plynn said...

We, as women, are so hard on ourselves. I relate to 100% to what you have written. Don't let the enemy make you feel defeated. Rejoice in who the Lord has created and know that you are not alone. At age 52, I still struggle with all these things. I try to give myself permission to like who I am and be content. Thank you for sharing your heart, you always inspire. (Even with what you call a mess-HA!)

Just Be Real said...

Dear one you are what you are. I learned now that I can be pretty much content with "my mess." Blessings to you.

Jacqueline said...

What would Jesus do? He would say, I love you Shelley just the way you are.

marie said...

First of all...may I say AMEN to Jackie's comment! What a blessed reminder that was...for us all!

And secondly...You are the dearest, most honest and totally real person I have met here in blogland.

I would love to come visit you and I can guarantee that I wouldn't notice any of those things you mentioned...I'd be too busy looking at your sweet smiling face!

You have made your house a home...and it's very evident who is at the center of your home. God bless you Shelley!